First Blog Entry
After a rather long flight via Russia, I finally arrived at
Shanghais Pudong airport, looking and smelling like like gently warmed ass, Im
sure. As I stepped through what felt like the 80th set of security
checks I made it through with too much luggage strapped to my body and became
even more disconcerted when, leaving security a clutch of women started
twittering and snapping pictures of me as I stared wearily at them. I was later
informed that there had been a celebrity on my flight, by the people who were
meeting me. My contact was a very small man standing way back, waving
frantically at me, with a lumpy, and, I guessed from the state of his
multi-coloured t-shirt and haircut American kid. He had the gut of a 40 year
old diabetic. He was in fact 18.
Before I could say anything, my contact whipped out a camera
and said something about ‘for the website’ taking something that I later saw
resembled a picture of the only
surviving soldier emerging from a bombing raid somewhere. 17 hours in a metal
box in the air doesn’t do your complexion many favours.
As we made our way to the vehicle just outside said
lumpy-teen introduced himself, let’s call him Fred, he was from Georgia. He
described himself as a ‘good American’. Oh dear.
Now.
I rather like Americans. As well as a large proportion of
friends and family originating and having connections there, I and those know
who me know about my certain…penchant for American men in particular. A real
soft spot for southerners. The reasons for my dislike for lumpy old Fred, which
I will detail below, are not born from some archaic, Anglo snobbery. No, no. I
disliked him because he was cunt. See below for various quotes. Keep in mind
I’m a liberal.
·
(On Guantanamo Bay) “I think its fine to America
to torture anyone who threatens our freedom… they weren’t given a trial for
years but the system isn’t perfect, they should just get over it.
·
(On Political leanings) “I’m a republican
(ProTip: Embarrass young Americans’ by asking specifically what policies they
favour) “….i don’t exactly know….all of them”
·
(On abortion rights) “im gonna surprise you with
my views on that, actually. I believe they should be killed if they’re disabled
because they don’t fit within society then. That’s choice”
The drive home felt like being trapped in a studio with Rush
Limbaugh. I couldn’t believe people like this actually still EXISTED. After 45
minutes we arrived in some residential area of Shanghai. I couldn’t make out
much in the dark and decided to just take up
the smaller back-pack part of my luggage. My Contacts apartment was up 6
flights of stairs. Sigh. All half assed attempts at chivalry evaporated, but I
suppose being by far the tallest it was to be expected. I felt a little like a
turtle on its hind legs, doddering up the stairs. We were let in to a teeny
apartment, where I was told a cousin was sharing his bedroom with him, where
I’d be (hoorayyyy) a kitchen, and a cupboard, which was actually a bathroom. On
the table was a ton of fruits, still dripping from being washed in colanders,
and Rush Limbaughs computer. He was leaving in a few hours to go back to the
airport to fly to Hong Kong and renew his visa. I hadn’t told him to fuck off
yet because I didn’t have an adapter for any of my chargers and wanted to let
my mother know I wasn’t dead.
Contact went to bed, it was about 2am and soon he’d be off
to take young Rush back to the airport. We were left alone at the table. Rush
produced a white, half full bottle with a Chinese label. It was rice wine, he
said, cheaper than water over here. He offered me a drink. I pulled the red cap
off and the smell seemed to take the lining of my nostrils off. On the label,
it said 50% proof. I politely declined, and it was good I did; I had enough
trouble trying not to vomit without that sloshing around my guts as the night
went on.
Predictably, the talk turned to sex. I told him about my
dating situation and he talked about his ‘hot Asian girlfriend’. Now, I’d been
warned prior to my visit over here by friends who had done similar stuff that
men coming to teach and work were doing it primarily for the semi-racist reason
of having what they charmingly referred to as ‘yellow fever’. Sigh. Again,
benefit of the doubt I asked him exactly why he’d come here in the first place
“to tell the truth, for the women. I love women of colour’
Urgh. I asked him what exactly it was about Asian women it
was he liked.
“heh, well Asian girls’ll do anything, and they’re so darn
tight’
O__O
What followed was a boast of the last two girls he’d had,
and how he’d torn them and how big his….thing was. I fixed a smile on my face
and a couple of hours later the time came for him to fuck off. As him and the
Contact gathered his stuff he had me add him on Skype and promise to keep in
touch. As I watched him get into the car downstairs I blocked him, and half
hoped the car exploded on the way.
